I am an official Skywarn Spotter now

My Battle With Bulimia 

My battle with bulimia, I honestly do not know why I am writing this. I think it is to let other people be aware of the disorder and to also get it off my chest.  I hope when someone reads this, they will understand and try helping others with this disorder or if they are battling it themselves, to know they are not alone in battling it. And by writing this, people will be aware of it and I can possibly get the help and support I need. 

What is bulimia?  Bulimia is an illness in which a person binges on food or has regular episodes of overeating and feels a loss of control. The affected person then uses various methods — such as vomiting or laxative abuse — to prevent weight gain. 

Ever since I can remember, I have been battling this disorder.  And to be honest, I have no idea why.  My weight fluctuates alot, I am not out to impress anyone, and I could honestly careless about what I weight.  So, to be honest, I have no idea why I do it. Which is kind of scary now that I think about it. Because if i knew, I could try dealing with it a little more easier. Only a few people know i have this disorder. Well, after I put this on the web, the whole world will know.  I am ashamed of myself for having this disorder. I have kept it secret for many years. 

To me, I think of it as “just throwing up” but I recently have found out, that you can actually die from this disorder.  I was reading the local obituaries and seen a 21 year old guy that died from it. After seeing this, I did a google search and realized how common it is for people to die from this disorder. I always thought to myself, up until recently, “how is someone actually going to die from this” and now I realize it is possible and it does happen.  It is a scary thought of dying from this. 

I remember when i was a teen, my neighbor tried telling me the severity of this disorder. And as a teen everything she said was in one ear and out the other. But I never forgot it.  And it has stuck in my head ever since then. But when are trying to deal with bulimia, that stuff never crosses your mind. I am selfish, and only think of myself and wanting to be bulimic. Not necessarily “wanting or needing” but it is a habit.  It is like a routine.  For awhile I did stop and I thought I was over and defeated the battle. But then one day I started back up again.  Words can not describe the feeling of how I feel when I try to deal with this.  Everything from guilt, shame, selfishness, to being proud that I will keep skinny. But like I said before, it’s not that I do it to be skinny, I just do not know what my reason is. I think is a “habit/routine” and that is why I do it.  After I do it, I feel the satisfaction and feeling good.  But that feeling does not last long. It turns to guilt and ashamed. 

I want to be able to live a normal life and not have to battle bulimia anymore. I do not want to die from this disease. I have a lot to live for. And i am using that as my strength  and backbone, to prevent me from being bulimic. I will be honest, I did bulimia yesterday.  And I thought about it today. But I haven’t did it today. After realizing you can die from this, it has scared me.  And I hope and pray that this has finally opened my eyes, to something i have battled for many years.  I just have to keep strong and keep thinking of what I got and if I die, what I will lose.  

To those of you who are reading this, I know how you feel. I know how it is to keep it a secret. I know how you feel before, during and after.  I know that you feel alone and battling a feeling of a cause that will not go away. But you and I need to realize, that this disorder can kill us.  We can actually die from this. When we die, there is no coming back. And just think of the people we will be hurting, if we die.  All because of this disorder, that we can ultimately win. We just need to support one another through this time.  I am reaching out, and asking for your support in helping me. I need help. You need help. We both know what it is like and what we are dealing with. So, let’s help each other.   

You can email me at Rickie@RickieTraeger.com  

I want to thank you for taking the time in reading this. I ask that you help support me, while I am dealing with this disorder. I am asking that you reach out and help others who are battling this as well.  I know I feel all alone while battling this. I know that I am not alone and many people suffer from bulimia. 

Let’s help each other, before it is too late.

I am sitting here chilling and thought I would blog for a bit. It has been a few days.  Not a lot to blog about right now, so I might just do one those random blogs I seem to like to do, LOL. 

I enjoy the fact that people try to piss me off on purpose.  It is like a game to them. But what many people do not know is I am better at their game than they are. 

I decided to turn off the scanner tonight, and just jam to my hard rock music! I need a break from the scanner.  It is one of my passions, but you can only listen to it for so long before needing a break.  Plus I have some really awesome admins, who help out, so I do not miss much on there. I can say, it is nice to see more fans interacting these days and posting photos and events. Good to see them like the hobby as well. I enjoy that a lot, because it shows me that they are into Rockford Scanner. Good to see the scanner hobby has made a comeback in our area, and Rockford Scanner had a huge part in bringing it back.

I am excited the Boeing 787 is coming into Rockford in a few days!  That is one of the planes I have been wanting to photograph, that I have yet had the chance too.  So it is going to be an awesome day.  From what I heard, the national media will be in town for the event as well.  This will be one of those events you only see here in Rockford, maybe only once! So, do not miss this chance to see it. ~ http://rockfordairportspotter.com/

So, I sit here and think to myself, “what if”  I never thought I would be asking myself this question. I have always went with my heart on things in life.  I always go with my heart on things, so I never do have to ask myself “what if”  in life. But as I sit here, I am asking myself “what if?”  There are a few times in my life I did not go with my heart, and that is what happens when you don’t. You will be second guessing yourself for life.  “What If I “ 

I can’t stop thinking of a certain someone.  I know I shouldn’t be saying that, but I just can’t seem to get her outta my head.

I started my 365 project ~ Click Here

Well I finally went and got my ink done today.  I had BEAR do my ink. I have had him do most of my tattoos. I like his work and he  is a good guy. I had my daughters name put on my arm. Under my other daughters name.  I haven’t seen him for awhile, so it was nice to sit down for a few and BS with him.  He is now located at 18th st and Harrison, at Euro Tattoo. I will be posting a photo of it here soon.

It doesn’t feel like its going to be New Years Eve tomm. I think if we had snow on the ground, it would be better. As of right now this season, we have had 1.7 inches of snow.  Way less than last years snow fall at this time.  I guess in a good way little to no snow is a good thing. But it sure puts a damper on events like sledding, building a snowman or snow fort, or having snowball fights.  But I do know one thing, spring can not get here soon enough!

Not a lot going on with me right now. Same shit different day. I wish I had an update for you guys, but I don’t lol.

Heres a photo I took a few months ago out at KRFD